Friday, April 11, 2008

So, this is what I've been doing since about 7 am this morning. Writing papers. I have 3 due next week, mostly reflection papers that require a bit of academic flair. Nothing too difficult, but stuff that I find absolutely amazing. Part of this process within my program at Naropa, is about deepening. Deepening into myself in ways that are bridging my internal world with my external self. Ways that allow me to process and deal with my sH*&. It's not a pretty picture at times and often, it is emotionally exhausting. Since the program is geared to the emerging Psychotherapist, the common thread is that in order to be a "safe container" for clients, you must have met and dealt with your issues to some degree. Again folks, not a pretty picture. Especially when there are 16 other men and women within my program. Personalities get in the way, comments are taken the wrong way, etc. etc. So it's like a relationship..where you have to show up and be there. To be present with whatever is in front of you, no matter how ugly. It's difficult, but I feel that I'm starting to finally to come to an edge where I can only deepen further by truly looking at what is happening, moment to moment. This endless pattern of thread...

One particular course that does this is called Authentic Movement. I have finally found the bridge! The bridge that resonates with my teachings of Yoga and meditation, with movement. Unconcious. Breathing. Emotional waves that take over. It's nothing like sitting on a cushion and meditating, yet is carries similarities in looking at thoughts that jump and move. It is about returning to breath. Returning to simplicity in being. As a mover, you are witnessed by another. With eyes closed, you let movement arise and take place. It's a great place for choreographers yet I think it takes some of the "moment" out of the movement if it's going to be used in a choreographed work. What I have found is that it allows me to deepen unconsciously. Ultimately, it's unconscious movement. No judgments from either mover or witness. One particular book called Arching Backward by Janet Adler is about her "awakening." It's about her entire being experiencing mystical initiation into Awareness. It's a pretty remarkable book and I couldn't put this one down. I have noticed that her words touch me in the way that my vivid dreams do. Shamanistic in nature. Earthly wisdom. I see past lives, feel myself floating about my physical body and touch down with a wiser sense of my being...this is how her book has touched my thoughts.

I feel that I haven't let alot of you in on what is really going on with me nowadays. So, now you know. There are many deeper things stirring in me that are leading me to a realization of who I am. Yoga has done this, continues to do so. But now, movement is finally answering deep questions for me. I am deeply grateful for this process.

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